Monday, September 15, 2008

Dear Andy Rooney

Dear Mr. Rooney:

I am writing you this letter in hopes that I can be a candidate for your job when you decide to retire, or if the Good Lord takes you first...either way, please allow me to be in consideration.

The reason I ask this is because in the few times that I have been able to catch your bit on 60 minutes, you have shown me the contents of your desk, the wires hooked up to your computer, the amount of phones that you keep around you and some dusty books. Most recent I caught your segment last night on the contents of your kitchen drawers.

I typically do not complete the 60 minutes program because it runs in conjunction with bath time for my infant son. He so enjoys to splash around in the tub so who am I to take this away from him. However, last night was an exception because he was given a bath earlier in the day for a birthday party so there was no need for bath time during the 7 o'clock hour. Also, from time to time when I do catch your program I tend to turn the channel because I am appalled by the leanings of your journalists (but that is for another letter coming soon). Although, the piece on Justice Scallia was very insightful and caught my attention so I continued to tune in.

I often laugh about your opening lines because my sister and I would from time to time laugh at our father for pulling "You know what is wrong with America today" when he would catch us watching MTV or some other "trash program". I have been known to even laugh at something you would say.

Last night though was ridiculous. Kitchen drawer contents! There is an election, housing crisis, gas prices, etc...you choose to discuss the contents of your kitchen drawers. What pained me the most during this topic was the close ups on your fingers. Gross!!!

I would like to be put in consideration because I too can waste loads of time discussing various non-topics. Take this letter for example. I too have lots of stuff on my desk. A stapler, mouse, mouse pad, some pictures of my adorable son, computer, files, heck...I even have a salt shaker. I have a pen with fuzzy hair, I have a tiki cup full of paper clips. I have a fan that is used only some of the time that I hate turning on because it blows dust everywhere...obviously our cleaners are not very good. I have different kinds of post it notes, some are big, some really small and some that have lines. I am not sure which ones I use most...probably the post it notes with the lines, they keep me organized. I have different color folders for different topics, I like to be colored coordinated and it adds some spice to my office. I have a telephone that lights up when I have a message, I have drawers and staple removers. I have pens...lots of pens, only I prefer to use blue ink.

See...I would be PERFECT for the job. I have other things I can discuss. If it will seal the deal, I can report back to you on the contents of my kitchen cabinets and drawers. Please let me know.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Kind regards,

7 comments:

Ingle Nook said...

you make me smile!

ashkindred said...

I just laughed so hard.
Just when I was about to lose my mind about the phone only ringing off the hook when the receptionist leaves for the day.....

Love it.

Even God Is Single said...

hilarious

Wells Family said...

i totally watched the same episode and David and I just looked at each other afterwards like, "we just lost five minutes of our lives to that which we will never get back!" and he makes enough money- get a manicure! Although, i would like to borrow his strawberry de-stemer....

Alison said...

I needed a good chuckle, thanks!

Tiffany said...

You are too funny! I think you should get the job, you are cuter than him anyway.

Karen said...

What a great letter!